It’s no secret that I want to love my wife well. I want her to feel confident and safe in the love I have for her. I want to be a man of integrity whom she can trust. I want her to stand confident in knowing that she is deeply loved. I want to do all of these things, but honestly… sometimes I just don’t know how.
If you’ve been married for any amount of time, you understand exactly what I am talking about. You have these aspirations of being an amazing husband, but then somehow fall short time and time again. The struggle is real. One thing I have learned is I have to be intentional about becoming a better husband. If it takes intentionality, I am up for the challenge. Are you?
Here are six practical ways to be a better husband.
Notice Your bride
Remember the first time that she walked into the room and you thought she was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen? Or…maybe you had been friends for years, but one day you started seeing her in a different light?
As men, we need to find that awareness again. We need take a step back and notice our wives. Let’s start to compliment her again. Let’s be aware of the hard work that she puts in at work and in the home. Show your appreciation. Thank her. Notice her – her heart, her accomplishment, and her looks.
Have a Conversation
Most women like to talk. My wife normally calls me the minute she steps foot outside of work. Quite honestly, the things she wants to talk about aren’t always interesting to me. I am having to intentionally listen and engage the topics that she wants to talk about, because they are important to her.
When it comes to having a conversation, I am normally quick to fix any problem she brings up. But, something else that I am learning is that I don’t need to solve every one of her problems, most of the time she just wants me to listen.
Help Around the House
In our home, my wife knows the exact reason that I randomly help with the dishes. To tell you the truth, it doesn’t always end up how I imagine. Motives matter.
As men, we need to learn to help without having ulterior motives. I have noticed that it does amazing things in the heart of my wife, when I serve her selflessly – asking nothing in return. It shows her that I care more about her than I do about myself. Helping her around the house isn’t just about doing dishes, it’s about serving our wives.
Give Her Alone Time
Kids take a lot of time and attention. Often, that time and attention used to be spent on our wives caring for themselves. Instead of looking intently into her unwashed hair and wondering why she is still in pajamas at 4PM, give her a break.
Can you imagine the look on your wife’s face if you showed up with $100 for her to go shopping… and you took over caring for the kids so she could get dressed to go out? What if the $100 you gave her was from your gun stash instead of from your bank account, so she wouldn’t stress about spending the money? My wife would freak. In fact, she would probably cry.
Brothers, we need to do a better job at realizing that our wives need time to themselves. They are continually pouring out into our families. Plan on giving her a break sometime soon.
Put Your Phone Away
Our phones are changing us. This generation is ever present in a virtual reality, and rarely present with those sitting next to them. It’s terrible to see the destruction that technology is having on our friendships and our families. I could go on about technology, but that’s a post for another day.
We have to put our phones away. This encompasses all of the things we’ve talked about. Often, we don’t notice our wives, because we are too busy staring at our phones. We don’t have solid conversations, because half of our relationship’s communication happens via social media. We must change this. Our wives aren’t receiving our attention, because our gaze is fixed on someone else’s new hunting rifle or the latest political post on social media. Put the phone away.
Out of all of the things that we can do to love our lives better, this may be the hardest. It’s hard for a lot of us to be romantic, but our wives need it. They need to be pursued. They need to see us put effort into our marriage.
Start with dating each other again. I don’t know about you, but I did some cheesy things when I was dating my wife. Things that I won’t mention here. But, those things showed my wife that I cared for her.
Leave her random notes on her car window or bathroom mirror. Send her a text letting her know you are thinking about her. Pour her cup of coffee in the morning. Take her on a random date – take her golfing with you instead of going with the guys. Have fun together.
Write it down. Make it happen.
Simply reading a list of six ways to be a better husband doesn’t really help my marriage much, because a list doesn’t change my heart. However, putting into action these different ideas will slowly bring about a change in how I treat my wife. The way to do that is to commit to it in writing. If you write it down, you will be more apt to make it happen. Here are a few simple starting points to write out your intentions:
- I will see her and compliment her when….
- I will have an actual conversation and listen to her when…
- I will help around the house by…
- I will purposefully schedule her time to herself by…
- I will put my phone away when…
- I will be romantic by…
If we make purposeful plans in place to be better husbands, it is much more likely to happen. Simply make a list. A detailed list with real ideas is a list that will get done. By doing this you are saying, “I am committing to doing a better job at loving my wife.”
Will you make a list and make it happen? Will you commit to being a better husband?
I challenge you to do it today and see what positive changes come in your relationship.