How to Pray with Your Wife: 10 Tips to Start and Stay Consistent

Can I be honest? A solid prayer life is something that I have to fight for. My flesh naturally reverts to self-dependency instead of dependency on the Lord. Sadly, this self-dependency tends to pour over into a lack of prayer with my wife.

I believe that my lack of prayer reveals my proud heart and a small view of the Lord. I often forget to remember that my every breath, my every moment is in His hands. I like to pretend that I have control of the wheel.

Brothers, I’m so desperately in need of the Lord’s grace in my life and marriage.

A Lesson from Spurgeon

“Prayer girds human weakness with divine strength, turns human folly into heavenly wisdom, and gives to troubled mortals the peace of God. We know not what prayer can do.” – Charles Spurgeon

Charles Spurgeon knew the importance of prayer. He was a dynamic and compelling speaker, yet he understood his utmost dependency on God. Under the sanctuary of the Metropolitan Tabernacle, where Spurgeon preached, was a large basement. Most churches would’ve used the basement for storage, but Spurgeon gave the space greater purpose. The basement was used as a prayer room. During any given message, there were always crowds of people gathered in that prayer room interceding on behalf of the church.

Girding human weakness with God’s strength.

Turning folly into the Lord’s wisdom.

Giving man heavenly peace. Spurgeon knew the importance of prayer.

How to Start and Stay Consistent

We are all in desperate need of the Lord’s presence in our lives and marriage. We may not have a basement full of believers praying for us, but we do have Christ. As we go to Him in prayer, He intercedes before the Father on our behalf. Prayer never turns void, because Jesus is faithful.

1. Recognize why you need prayer.

If we are going to commit to praying as a couple, then we need to first realize the value that prayer has in our home. Have you ever read the story of the throne room of God from Isaiah 6? The prophet Isaiah was changed in the presence of the Lord. When he stood before a clear view of God on the throne, He realized that control was out of His hands and submitted Himself to the King.

We desperately need for Christ to be the center of our marriage. There will be seasons where pride and self-dependency get the best of us, but we must commit to keeping our eyes on Jesus. Prayer gets us focused on Him.

2. Recognize our responsibility

After recognizing the need for prayer in our homes, we need to recognize our responsibility as leaders. We are the head of our homes. We are accountable before the Lord for how we lead our wives.

Men, our role is to spiritually lead in our marriages. It’s not my wife’s job. I am the one who will stand before the Lord and give an account for how I led. That’s a huge responsibility and it belongs to me. It belongs to you as well.

3. Commit

If we are going to have a healthy prayer life, it won’t just happen by accident. It will take serious commitment. Thankfully, there are a ton of great resources and guides to keep us accountable. Fierce Marriage has an awesome 40-Day Prayer Journey to give you direction. Commit to starting a prayer guide and sticking with it.

4. Connect Physically

Prayer knits our hearts together. Holding hands is an outward sign of what is happening inwardly. Connect physically with your spouse during prayer. It will help relax anxiety that may be in your wife’s heart and help her focus on the Lord.

5. “Pray Without Ceasing” – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Scripture commands us to continually pray throughout the day. It’s important that we set aside time to do this with our wives. However, we don’t always need to be in the same room in order to go before the Lord in prayer.

My wife and I have learned the importance of praying continually both together and apart. We are a military family. It’s fairly normal for me to spend weeks upon end training away from my family. Thankfully, praying continually with and for one another has become a healthy habit in our marriage. We text prayers to each other and pray for one another throughout any given day.

6. Pray Scripture

Men, we have an amazing gift from the Lord in His Word. In Scripture, we see His character and promises revealed to His people. If our purpose in prayer is to go before the throne, then praying Scripture only makes sense. God’s Word never returns void – praying Scripture with our wives is a worthy investment.

7. Worship in Prayer

Prayer is less about asking God for things and more about getting to spend time at His feet in worship. In Isaiah 6, the prophet has a vision of the throne room of God. In this vision, He sees the Lord in all His glory and experiences His presence – the experience changes Him.

Our prayer lives are meant to be a time of praise and adoration. If we are to be consistent in prayer with our wives, our affections need to be in the right place. In my marriage, I have seen that as we spend time worshipping the King of all in prayer, we start to desire His presence more and more. Let’s worship the Lord in prayer with our wives.

8. “Confess your sin to each other.” – James 5:16

Another good prayer habit to put in place is confession of sin. Scripture says that we are to confess our sins to one another. Confession of sin before the Lord together is so important. We need open hearts in our marriages. We need the grace, forgiveness and freedom found in Christ to reign in our homes.

9. Intercession in Prayer

Essential to everyone’s prayer life is intercession – going before the Lord on another’s behalf. Pray for your bride. Let your bride pray for you. Pray for the needy and hurting around you. After worshipping the Lord and recognizing His power over all things, bring your requests to Him.

Keep a record of the requests you bring before Him. It’s awesome to look back and recount God’s faithfulness with your bride.

10. Grace Upon Grace

When working on creating a solid prayer life with our wife, we need to be prepared for seasons of failure. We will get busy. We will forget to pray. Talk with your wife beforehand about pressing on during these times. Press on if you fall asleep before praying together. Press on if you forget about your 40-day commitment. Give yourselves grace and start again.

Brothers, one thing I know for sure is that I need Christ. I need to stand on His promises. I need His presence in my life and marriage. In valleys and victories, God has proven Himself faithful in my home.

I can tell you from experience that creating a thriving prayer life with your wife is a worthy investment. Do it. Read over these 10 tips to start and stay consistent. Pick a few areas and start praying with your bride. You won’t regret it. Chase Jesus together.